But he is my Christmas bonus...

My grandmother, Eleanor, died on Christmas day in 1989.

I was only a kid. Elementary school. She touched my life in a way that I have no words for. Elliot is named after her. She is with me always.

This year, my husband received a Christmas bonus. He has informed me that this bonus is not to go to any bills, groceries, or even heating oil. He wants to go shopping for me because I deserve a good Christmas.

Christmas has always been hard on us as a family because of my Nana's passing. We miss her, but every year she visits each of us in one way or another. She works her own miracles and tricks. She does things .... A light bulb blows, an ornament falls, my "broken" music box mysteriously begins to play....

Going through pcos and infertility.... Christmas is hard on many women with my condition.

So when my husband tells me I deserve a good Christmas I feel awkward. I have the son I was told I'd never ever have. He's here. He's alive. He's breathing. His eyes open. He's starting to smile. He clings to me. He knows the smell, sound, feel, and touch of me.

Elliot is MY Christmas bonus. He is (as I say to him every day) my love and my joy.

He is our miracle.

To Dr. Cetton -- the doctor who told us we'd never have a healthy son... I urge you to listen to your patients and to believe in miracles. They happen.

To Dr. Avadanian -- who told us we should really just give it up.... you were wrong. I urge you to listen to your patients and to believe in miracles. They happen.

To those who are doubting the existence of God. I promise you He listens. Believe in miracles.

To my son, my dear sweet little boy: You are my love and my joy. My miracle. My heart. My Christmas bonus.

Christmas Cards!

Merry Christmas from our home to yours!

We apologize for not sending out official Christmas cards this year. We've decided to focus all of our time on Elliot this Christmas. We're pretty sure everyone understands. :)

Wink and a smile ;)

Teen Mom!

Being home I've finally been able to see the show that is Teen Mom. Yea.. um... wow.

I wonder how these irresponsible youngsters do it. Below is my medical bill.

I don't know any teens with this kind of cash laying around....

Private room for 3 full days 1,446.00
Pharmacy [x 12] 498.00
IV solutions [x 10] 872.00
Med-sur supplies [x 19] 1,301.00
Sterile supply 49.00
Laboratory [x 8] 880.00
chemistry [x 3] 353.00
hematology [x3] 165.00
lab patho hist 106.00
OR services 3,569.00
anesthesia 706.00 ((because you know being numb is optional, lol))
respiratory 94.00
drugs req detailed coding [x18] 930.00
recovery room 73.00
therapeutic services 466.00

Total: 11,508.00 ((some of this stuff I don't even know what it is)) But there's MORE!

Emergency response 8:14am - 997.45 (this is when I apparently almost died or something)

And then there's Elliot!

General classification nursery x3 858.00 ((he slept with me so I'm not sure what this is))pharmacy 15.00
med-sur supplies for circumcision 86.00
lab 354.00
chemistry 41.00
immunology 44.00
audiology/dx 55.00 ((hearing test I opted for))
administration of vaccine 22.00
Total for Elliot 1,475
Grand total: 13,980.45
Having the baby you were told you never would have: PRICELESS

One month letter to Elliot

My dear sweet Elliot Walter,

Well, my love? How does it feel to be on this earth for a month now? Each month for your first year of life I have vowed to write you a letter. This being your first month letter will be mushy. In coming months, I'll probably write about the cool things your doing, the milestones you've reached. But this letter is your starter letter where I won't go into too much detail about how good you are at sleeping and how cool it is that you can hold your head up super well (since you were two days old, in fact)! You will receive these letters when you're old enough and in a home of your own. So here we go... :)

Every morning when you wake up, I hold you close to my heart and look into your big gorgeous eyes and tell you, "Good morning my Elliot. You are my love and my joy." Every morning I say this to you, and you'll probably get tired of hearing it at some point... but it's true. You are my love. And you are my joy.

I can't believe it has already been a month. A whole month of mommy-hood for me! Without a doubt, you are a dream come true. You are an answer to a prayer. You are an inspiration to many women and couples struggling with infertility. You were an inspiration from the very beginning. You are my love and my joy.

I think one of the neatest things about being your mommy is how my heart can comfort you. You are so tiny and you can't talk yet. So crying is your way of communicating. I learned your cries instantly. Being able to comfort you means a lot to me because you have brought comfort to your father and I. It took mommy and daddy a very long time to get you here and now that you are here we are in complete awe of you. Sometimes we just lay with you and thank God for allowing our love to create you. At one point I said to your daddy, "My heart comforts him. I wonder if he knows that he IS my heart."

You are my love, and my joy.

You are a true miracle. You are literal living proof of the power of faith, love, and determination. You prove that there is nothing you can't do in this world without setting your mind to it. According to some doctors of my past, you shouldn't even exist. I was told I'd never have a healthy baby boy... let alone a baby at all. God blessed me with you. We proved them wrong.

You are my love, and my joy.

I hope and pray that as you grow up that you know and feel the love we feel for you. I hope you never ever doubt how loved and cared for you are. I hope you know that you are a dream come true to us. I hope you cherish yourself as much as we cherish you. I hope you carry yourself well and with strong moral character. I hope you know that we'll always be here for you.

You ARE my love and my JOY!

Soon after you were born, certain questions were asked.

The first questions was, "Was the wait worth it?" Most definitely! Good things take time and if there is anything I've learned is that we are on God's time and God's plan - not our own.

The second question was a bit harder, "Now that Elliot is here, is there still pain there from all you went through to get him here?"

Wow. That's a tough one! I never want to hold things from you, there will be no secrets between us. So by the time you read this letter you will probably know all about our journey to get you here. So to answer the question about the pain... the answer is... no. The pain is gone. And I remember FEELING it transform. The pain of the past started to dwindle the instant I heard you cry. It was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard in my life.

The pain became an instant blur the moment you were put in my arms. When your daddy brought you to me, I was still shaking from the medication and so worried I'd drop you. In that instant that he put you in my arms... the shaking STOPPED, my heart FILLED, and the past became a BLUR. It seemed like it was all a million yesterdays away. You were in my arms and you kept looking at me and holding onto my fingers. Your hand inside my hand cured the pain of the past. Your eyes looking into my eyes transformed what was once so vivid into a magical blur.

You are my love and my joy.

You are the greatest thing I've ever done.

Being your mom is an honor I will never take for granted.

So my first lesson for you in this first letter to you will be to always put your faith and trust in the Lord. Always know that God is with you. And always know that you are very loved.

Afterall, you are my LOVE and my JOY.

I love you,

--Mommy

Jenny's blog!

Jenny posted Elliot on her blog... it's not all of the shots but it's enough for you to see. ;)

Yea, we had some top secret shots done. Muhahahaha

"Nakie time"

Elliot isn't a fan of being naked, but rocking out in just his diaper... oh fo sho!

I love him. He's awesome. I tell him every morning, "Good morning my love. You are my love. And my joy." :)

Oh! And I chopped my hair off! Chances of going shorter are high...

Sneak Peak!

For our baby shower, my brother gave Mark and I two priceless gifts. The first is a poem he wrote for Elliot which is hanging in his room. The second is a photo shoot with Jenny Castro. Jenny is the sister of my brothers good friend. We will definitely be using Jenny again. "Like" her on facebook (Jenny Castro Photography) and especially if you're in the Philly area... book her! Here is a "teaser" photo of Elliot she posted tonight for us to see. I can't wait to see the rest of them!

ELCO HS Craft Fair

ELCO HS has an AWESOME craft fair every year and this year we decided to go as a family with Elliot's God-mommy. :) We found an adorable little hat for our little guy and he also had his photo done with Santa. :)

Elliot's first Christmas...

Wow.. Elliot's first Christmas is coming! And people are asking us what to get him... this is a crazy question! Considering he'll be only seven or eight weeks old this is a really tough question to answer. Like... super tough!

For starters, he's not really going to "get" the point of it. I think we're going to have more fun with it than he is, hahaha! Now next year... look out!

We're first time parents and we're learning as we go as well. So below are a list of things he could use/we could use for all of those who are insisting on us giving a list (you know who you are). I hope this helps because frankly, I think making a list is a bit rude. I feel like I'm saying, "Buy my kid this" when really he's provided for quite nicely thanks to my awesome baby shower(s) but I get it.... he's cute... people like to shop... and people understand Elliot is unemployed and won't be shopping in return, LOL!!!

• Dr. Brown bottles




• Soothie pacifiers (awesome for his wide frenulum)




• Portable swing




• Jump-a-roo




• Eventually we'll need more of these...

Other ideas:

Clothing - right now he is fitting best in newborn size clothing. I'm not sure if he'll still be that size in the next 24 days but as I said, right now he is in newborn size.

We're using Pampers brand diapers (swaddlers) - he seems to be able to pee through any other brand and we're still using size newborn. If you do decide to buy diapers in newborn size for us please make sure you have a receipt just in case he does grow out

Educational toys

Your favorite children's book

Itunes gift cards (this kid LOVES music and car rides)

Babies-r-us gift cards

Feeding: we're breast feeding and using similac advanced formula as well considering my thyroid issues and PCOS - formula is friggin expensive so if you find coupons for similac...we'll take them!

Also... he LOVES the colors yellow and green (and of course camo)... I don't even know if he can see colors fully but I do know he is super super alert in the kitchen (which is yellow) and in his green blankie.

He also gets a kick out of old school Looney Tunes. Yep... Foghorn Leghorn makes him perk up. It's HILARIOUS!

So to all those badgering me with FB messages and emails and texts... I hope this helps! Please do not feel obligated to buy for Elliot at all. Mark and I really want to send the message to our children that Christmas is about Christ and family - not things.

PS: Yes, we plan on having "Santa" with Elliot. We don't believe he'll go to hell for believing in Santa.

Pampers Rock

I must say... Pampers ROCK! Elliot is definitely sold on this brand of diapers. Right now he's in the newborn size since he's only 7lbs8ounces and let me tell you... they are so much better than Huggies. Boys tend to pee A LOT.... and even if I put a "panty liner" in the huggies... he still soaked through the Huggies. So - Pampers for the win! We made a good choice... and Elliot is happy, too!

Elliot meets Vicki!!!!! :)

Elliot met Vicki today! Vicki = AWESOME.

Vicki is a dear friend of mine and a co-worker. She is a secretary at work and over the years has been in charge of getting substitutes for teachers. I've lost count how many subs she had gotten for me for infertility and eventually pregnancy appointments.

It was such a joy having her come over today. I miss seeing her daily.

I'd love to bring Elliot in to meet the wonderful people I work with as well as my students.

I'm just a new mommy paranoid of germies infesting my baby....

Tis the Season!

We have been on the hunt for the purrrrfect stocking for Elliot's first Christmas. Now, we're completely aware that he's not really going to "get" the point of Christmas or any of that... and we're completely aware that next year he's really going to tear into stuff... but the boy still needed to have a stocking!

If you're in the area - hit up the Lebanon Valley Mall! They have a personalization station with all sorts of goodies and the prices are GREAT!

"Grown-ups are so strange," the little prince said to himself as he went on his way....

Tonight I read Chapter 10 of "The Little Prince" to Elliot as I rocked him to sleep.

This book is just remarkable. I've probably read it 100 times and each time it's more and more special to me. Tonight we read about the vain flower, the power of lies, the truth in words, the way to care for a volcanoe and of course...strange grown-ups.

I think one of the neatest things about being a new mom is just observing and watching my son. Some of the moves he makes cause me to say, "Ah ha! That's what you were doing when you were inside of me!" But also, it's neat to see some of his inherited behaviors. He has several mannerisms that my husband has - and he has them all on his own - it's more inherited than learned. Either way, I must say I'm so in love with my little man (and my big man, too). :)

Moby Wrap for the win!

The Moby Wrap is amazing! Amazing! When Elliot was only eight days old, I ran into a woman at the grocery store who told me about the "Snuggly Wrap" aka the "Boba" which is aka "The Moby" and she told me it was a God-send to her and worth the investment. Here I was walking around the store carrying him (because I'm only allowed to carry the weight of the baby until given clearance from my doctors) and there is a device out there big enough/strong enough to support my little seven pounder. :)

At first, I'll admit... I thought the thing looked odd. I researched it a bit. Then, a friend of mine received one and gave it rave reviews! After reading her review of it, and then seeing another woman with one at Church... I thought it was time to give it a shot. Hubby and I went to babies-r-us and picked up the Moby and a few other items for our little man (Thank God for gift cards) and today we tried it for the first time and it's awesome!

I walked around the mall for two hours with him strapped to me with no issues. Elliot likes it because it is basically like a walking swaddle. I can even bend over with him "in me" and tie my shoes. It's truly fascinating.

Well done inventor of the Moby, well done!

Elliot Walter meets Walter Sr.

Choosing a name for my son was not a hard task to do. My brother suggested the name Elliot. I had always wanted to name my daughter, Eleanor, after my Nana. I once had a doctor tell me that I'd never have a healthy baby boy. So when I found out I was having a son... and that he was 100% healthy... I was in shock!

Elliot is named after Eleanor. His middle name is Walter. Walter is my Grandfather's name and my Father's name. We will call him Walter in Polish. :)

Elliot was able to meet his GG PopWalt this Thanksgiving and it was wonderful. My grandfather told me how proud he was of me, and that meant a lot to me. His approval is important to me. No real reason why, it just is. He's a great man and I'm blessed to be nearly 30 years old and still have my grandfather. He's my only grandparent left.

My Grandfather and my Dad have always been there for me. They're wonderful men and I hope Elliot grows to be a man of strong moral character.

Just look at my Grandfather's face... he's so proud and excited to have a second great grandson. I'm so proud to just have Elliot in my life. He's a dream come true. :)

Elliot meets Rachel and Joyce!

Big Cousins! Elliot met a lot of people in the span of 24 hours. On Thanksgiving he met his big cousin, Rachel. Rachel did such a good job holding Elliot. Way to go, Rachel!

Joycie wasn't so sure what to do with Elliot at first because he is so small. Her daddy (my big brother) introduced her to Elliot. By the end of the night I think it became quite clear that Elliot is going to be good friends with his big cousins Rachel and Joyce.

Elliot's first bath!

Elliot had his first bath on Thanksgiving morning. It was definitely an interesting experience for him!

At first, he SCREAMED and did NOT like the water. But once he was in the warm water, he cheered up.

I hope he enjoys water as much as I do... and as much as his cousins do. I can't wait until summer when I can take him to "Mommy and Me" swim classes.

After his bath he took a super long nap. Bathing is hard work! He's so cool. I think I'll keep him. :P

First family photo... so fitting!

I think one of the most interesting things we had noticed recently was that Mark and I had NO pictures of us with Elliot since his birthday.

Not one photo! We have lots of photos of Elliot. And Elliot with me. And Elliot with him. But no family photo.

It was only fitting that our first family photo be taken in front of the altar we were married at. St. John's Church is amazing . Our Pastor has been a dear friend to me through the years and it was wonderful taking Elliot up to Pastor Lee for his first blessing.

I can't wait to have these photos framed. I have lots of pictures I need to print off and albums to start. These photos mean so very much to me.

Elliot meets Pauline!

Another great photo!

Pauline is one of the most wonderful women I've ever met. She teaches across the hall from me and I find her to be fabulous!

She came to visit Elliot on his birthday and it was such a wonderful and pleasant surprise.

I was just going through some photos and I love this photo of Elliot with his Uncle Joe and Uncle Erich.

Joe and Erich are amazing and I'm so glad that Elliot will have a life filled with positive male role models.

Joe is Elliot's Godfather. We've been best buddies for nearly 15 years and I'm so glad to have him as such an important figure in my son's life.

I think Elliot is going to learn lots of fun jokes from Uncle Joe and Uncle Erich. Those two always have me laughing!

Shoes for Elliot!

My cousin Kathy and her family sent these wonderful shoes for Elliot. They're just wonderful! I can't wait for him to wear them! And the story with them is just AWESOME!

"What is your favorite mommy moment so far?"

I've been asked by a student what my favorite mommy moment so far is. WOW! That's a super tough question! SUPER TOUGH!

Why?

Because I've loved every moment thus far. Even the hard moments. ((Like when you're in a lot of pain and have a new life to care for.)) Being a new mom is hard work. It takes a lot of time, patience, responsibility and well... determination!

My first favorite moment was of course when Elliot was just born. Hearing his little cry was just awesome.

My second favorite moment is when my husband brought Elliot to me. And when I was finally allowed to hold him. I was on a lot of medications and shaking quite a bit, but as soon as I held my son - I was fine. When he looked into my eyes for the first time would be another favorite.

I love when he mimicks my facial expressions.

I love when he turns his head to the sound of my voice.

I love snuggle time.

I love that when he is crying or upset, I can console him. I think it's super cool that he is now HERE but the sound of my heartbeat still relaxes him.

Oh yea..

I guess I should introduce WHY I created this blog.

First of all - the title comes from "The Little Prince" by Antione de St. Exupery. It is, without a doubt, my FAVORITE book of all time.

Why? Because it speaks to me on a whole new level every time I read it. I've been reading little bits to Elliot every night and chapter two is one of my favorite chapters.

Read chapter two here ((click this link)) to see how the title of this blog came to be.

Secondly, I'm not working right now. I miss my students tremendously and I've been hearing reports that they would like to see pictures of the baby. I figured I might as well make the blog not just for my students but for my family and friends.

I'll try to keep this blog as up to date as possible with the "goings on" of our little family. I'm feeling exceptionally blessed.

Elliot is "milk drunk"

Yep... mission "Mommy fill my belly" is complete. Here is a photo of Elliot being held by my mom after a feeding. I'm so in love with this kid! :)

Ruh-row!

My husband is a FORD man... my mom drives a CHEVY. So just to be goofy... my mom did this. Sorry, Mark! But you have to admit it's pretty funny! =^_^=

"the best thing that has happened this week..."

I can't even tell you how many people have told us that Elliot is the best thing that has happened to them this past week. Totally true. There are so many trials and tribulations going on in the lives of loved ones right now, not to mention with this whole Penn State Saga.

Elliot's arrival has been a joyful occassion (DUH!) but we've also had some heartache in our little family this week. My Uncle Spike died this week. He had cancer running all through his body. My husband said to me, "When I heard the news of Uncle Spike passing I immediately imagined your Mommom in heaven saying to Spike, 'Ugh! You just missed Elliot!'" I had to laugh because I could totally see that happening.

My Uncle Spike is in the photos above wearing the white golf shirt with green collar. He was a wonderful man, and is now one of Elliot's newest guardian angels.

My grandfather is tremendously excited about Elliot's arrival and I can't wait for Elliot to meet his GG PopWalt. Elliot is named after my Nana and his middle name Walter is after my father and grandfather. I like to refer to Elliot in his Polish and American names.

I'm feeling better and better each day but know that healing will definitely take time. I'm so grateful to have mom here with us because she's been a huge help. Having a mom that's also a nurse is awesome! Mom has helped me decrease some of the swelling I have (and eventually in 5-8 weeks it should all be gone). She's also helped with well... everything! Apparently my incision looks GREAT and while I'm quite bruised it is looking good.

Welcome to the world, Elliot!

Elliot Walter was born on 11-7-11 @ 7:50am. He weighed in at 7lbs and 3 ounces. He truly is a dream come true. Holding him for the first time was the most remarkable experience of my life. I am so very much so in love!