My dear sweet Elliot Walter,
Well, my love? How does it feel to be on this earth for a month now? Each month for your first year of life I have vowed to write you a letter. This being your first month letter will be mushy. In coming months, I'll probably write about the cool things your doing, the milestones you've reached. But this letter is your starter letter where I won't go into too much detail about how good you are at sleeping and how cool it is that you can hold your head up super well (since you were two days old, in fact)! You will receive these letters when you're old enough and in a home of your own. So here we go... :)
Every morning when you wake up, I hold you close to my heart and look into your big gorgeous eyes and tell you, "Good morning my Elliot. You are my love and my joy." Every morning I say this to you, and you'll probably get tired of hearing it at some point... but it's true. You are my love. And you are my joy.
I can't believe it has already been a month. A whole month of mommy-hood for me! Without a doubt, you are a dream come true. You are an answer to a prayer. You are an inspiration to many women and couples struggling with infertility. You were an inspiration from the very beginning. You are my love and my joy.
I think one of the neatest things about being your mommy is how my heart can comfort you. You are so tiny and you can't talk yet. So crying is your way of communicating. I learned your cries instantly. Being able to comfort you means a lot to me because you have brought comfort to your father and I. It took mommy and daddy a very long time to get you here and now that you are here we are in complete awe of you. Sometimes we just lay with you and thank God for allowing our love to create you. At one point I said to your daddy, "My heart comforts him. I wonder if he knows that he IS my heart."
You are my love, and my joy.
You are a true miracle. You are literal living proof of the power of faith, love, and determination. You prove that there is nothing you can't do in this world without setting your mind to it. According to some doctors of my past, you shouldn't even exist. I was told I'd never have a healthy baby boy... let alone a baby at all. God blessed me with you. We proved them wrong.
You are my love, and my joy.
I hope and pray that as you grow up that you know and feel the love we feel for you. I hope you never ever doubt how loved and cared for you are. I hope you know that you are a dream come true to us. I hope you cherish yourself as much as we cherish you. I hope you carry yourself well and with strong moral character. I hope you know that we'll always be here for you.
You ARE my love and my JOY!
Soon after you were born, certain questions were asked.
The first questions was, "Was the wait worth it?" Most definitely! Good things take time and if there is anything I've learned is that we are on God's time and God's plan - not our own.
The second question was a bit harder, "Now that Elliot is here, is there still pain there from all you went through to get him here?"
Wow. That's a tough one! I never want to hold things from you, there will be no secrets between us. So by the time you read this letter you will probably know all about our journey to get you here. So to answer the question about the pain... the answer is... no. The pain is gone. And I remember FEELING it transform. The pain of the past started to dwindle the instant I heard you cry. It was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard in my life.
The pain became an instant blur the moment you were put in my arms. When your daddy brought you to me, I was still shaking from the medication and so worried I'd drop you. In that instant that he put you in my arms... the shaking STOPPED, my heart FILLED, and the past became a BLUR. It seemed like it was all a million yesterdays away. You were in my arms and you kept looking at me and holding onto my fingers. Your hand inside my hand cured the pain of the past. Your eyes looking into my eyes transformed what was once so vivid into a magical blur.
You are my love and my joy.
You are the greatest thing I've ever done.
Being your mom is an honor I will never take for granted.
So my first lesson for you in this first letter to you will be to always put your faith and trust in the Lord. Always know that God is with you. And always know that you are very loved.
Afterall, you are my LOVE and my JOY.
I love you,
--Mommy
My grandmother, Eleanor, died on Christmas day in 1989.
